The sun is at its highest, yet the cool of fall is greatly appreciated among the stands of cottonwoods and showy milkweed. I’ve just wrapped up my first week as a Frontier Fellow with Epicenter, and each day I am blessed to see the sun rise and set upon the iconic Book Cliffs of Green River, Utah.

My studio is located in a dark basement with an absence of natural lighting, not the most ideal space for generative creativity but as BIPOC often do, I managed to create a sense of familiarity in an unknown place so that I can see myself reflected in it…and I also requested an air purifier. To be honest, I can’t stop feeling as though I am embodying some aspect of Carlos Fuentes’ Chac Mool while being here, perhaps the studio basement will flood post residency.

September 19th was also the full moon in pisces, my moon. So to imagine Chac Mool with me in Green River didn’t seem odd at all, I welcomed the Mayan deity of rain. Later I biked 17 miles on the town’s longest road (named Long Road) and settled upon a mud embankment against the river to sketch the cliffs and eat my leftover Melon Day’s burrito. As I drew shadows onto a blank page, I paused to look ahead and my eyes met the gaze of a coyote about 5 feet away from me. We stared at one another for a few moments until they slowly dipped below my sight and shot for the cottonwood trees south of me. I smiled and thanked the four legged relative for lifting my spirit and affirming my choice to spend 6 weeks away from the land and people that raised me.

I’ve made an intention to allow myself to ebb & flow like water for the rest of my residency, to honor the heavy feelings regarding my mother’s deteriorating health and what it means to create from a place of love rather than from anger. I do not have access to my therapist while outside of California and do not know any culturally specific mental health practitioners in this area of Utah therefore I am relying on what I do know- the tools I’ve been given and taught. So far this has looked like creating an altar in my studio space and bedroom, of keeping up my morning ritual of prayer/yoga/chakra toning and of not shying away from reaching out to friends when I am unwell and in need of long distance care.